Landlocked – Jeff Hankins – YouTube
On this 100th blog essay about songs of autobiographical significance, I hope I can be forgiven for doing something I haven’t done in the other 99, being a little bit self indulgent, and choosing to write about one of my own songs.
The opening line of the song is indeed very autobiographically literal : ‘I live a long way inland..’. And yes, the song is from the early 1990s, the time when we lived further from the coast than we had ever lived, smack in the heart of the continent of South America. OK, it’s not that we had lived exactly in a seaside resort back here in South Wales, but maybe on the edge of consciousness there’s that awareness that the Bristol channel opening out as it does into the Atlantic.. ain’t that far away. [Here’s a parenthetical reference to another of my songs. I am always delighted and sort of oddly taken by surprise every time I drive over the mountain from Merthyr to our village and find that, from the highest points of the road, on a clear day, I can indeed see the channel glinting in the distance and beyond it the hazy slopes of North Somerset hills. That delight finds expression in my song ‘I see the sea’]. Was I feeling the lack of that proximity, while paradoxically savouring with relish the exotic differentness of our new Latin living experiences? So it would seem, to some extent, from this song…
In that humid climate the late evening was of course the coolest time of the day, and quite often, once the kids had been showered, read to, put to bed, Sue was good enough to let me go for a wander through the streets of Ascunción, armed with a man-bag containing notebook, pen, bible, a novel, a cassette-playing Walkman (Bruce Cockburn, Laura Nyro, Juan Luis Guerra..). The lapacho-lined streets, the air itself, felt so alive and vibrant with new impressions that it was for me an extraordinarily creative time – whether I scribbled half poems in a cafe-bar, or reached for a guitar when I got back home… I’m pretty sure that this song arose from just such an occasion as one of those late night walks, and (although this is not at all necessarily the mark of a song’s quality, and perhaps more often quite the opposite!) it was indeed one of those all too rare occasions when the lyrics came without too much agonizing, sort of ‘wrote itself’ as they say.(And no, I’m not suggesting spooky ‘automatic writing’ and certainly not ‘divine inspiration’! I’m just saying it flowed nicely, thank you very much.)
Some years ago I got together with a few friends to record a handful of my songs in a more serious way than the makeshift methods I had previously employed. I’ll always be indebted to MG particularly for the alchemy of his handling as we attempted to record ‘Jacob wrestling’ ‘Atlas’ and ‘Queen of Autumn’. We worked hard on ‘Landlocked’ too, but somehow, failed to nail certain important stages of the process for recording this song, so no end product emerged. The kind friend who allowed her house to be used as this recording studio was of course subjected to listening to each song for multiples of practices and retakes. I remember distinctly her thoughtful engagement with this particular song and her saying to me ,with a smile, ‘It’s not really about the sea, is it?’
And of course, no, it’s not about the sea. As with so many things that grab the imagination in ways that make you want to ‘tease something out’ through lines of poetry or songs, it’s –whether we are immediately aware of it or not – often some symbolic or metaphorical significance that has really arrested us. Or me, anyway. I have a handful of songs that seem to start off innocuously enough with wistful celebrations of something or other, only to become compositions where, if I find myself performing them, I have to make an apologetic preface of ‘sorry folks, another song about ‘mortality’, I think..’! ‘Landlocked’ isn’t one of those mortality songs though, and I’m not going to do all the interpreting right now, because that might take some of the fun out of listening and exploring; but I will confess – and probably it is pretty explicit, isn’t it – that it attests to an awareness of the deepest of longings having been ‘woken up’ in my own spirit… if that doesn’t sound too pseudo mystical and pretentious!
In fact, I’ve just deleted a whole paragraph where I found myself ‘explaining’ the lyrics.. but I found that somehow in doing so I both insulted reader-intelligence, and‘literalised it’ to the point of dullness. Yes of course when I sing it it will always be most relevant to my own Jesus-focused experience, convictions and adventure, but that’s not to say that you dear listener will not discover other, extra, different, distinct, personal resonances within these fairly simple images and paradoxes. I hope something in it will engage you.
I think part of the reason why I’ve chosen this particular song to write about as number 100 in my blog thing, is because I think of this song as if it is one of my children (like all our songs feel like our offspring don’t they?) but one who has been overlooked, considered a bit plain, perhaps. It’s not the most melodic of melodies – perhaps even a rather limited musical canvas too with an (overly?) simple repetitive picking style; it seems to be trying to reach in a quirkier way than most of my output, for a slightly downbeat jazzy vibe (?). And it will never be anyone’s favourite (anyone but me, I mean!), I think. Ah, but I love it, poor little 30 year old song from the subtropical days.. and like the songsmith-dad to it that I am, I am both defensive of it and immensely proud of it!. And even here, back in Blighty, with the coast just half an hour down the A470, who’d have known, I still find some relevance in it! And still play it. For myself, generally 🙂